These Chronicles have gone way further than I ever had expected or planned. My initial concept was to breakdown a period of time from the end of one eventful race, to the beginning of the following race on the schedule. Sharing, teaching, and learning aside, I originally had no predetermined format that I planned to follow, other than I did not want it to be a place where I combat the nay sayers and "slap them with the facts" as I like to put it. It was only meant to be a journal of what a race car fabricator/prep man has to overcome to ready his chariot for the next battle. A direct and honest exposure of what my days are like. From the standard tasks of maintenance, to the creative ways of repair, I knew there would be interest in my story, and the Chronicles have proven to be just that. A storybook of sorts. Non-fictitious reading of what I thought would be boring to most, but has turned out to be addicting to many members who I now could label as followers, and in some cases, friends.
I am faithful, insecure, paranoid, a team player, spiteful, friendly, smart, giving, angry, depressed, accommodating, addictive, intelligent, industrious, self destructive, creative, shy, loyal, modest, lonely, pessimistic, and unfortunately for me, a martyr.
I am not social,optimistic, physical, confident, stable, tolerant, content, politically correct, healthy, religious, hopeful, or happy
As NIKAL once posted, I am definitely misunderstood. I have been thrust into a public arena, mostly by my own doing, and am now at a crossroads as to which direction my life will go. This association with my cousin Marc has put me in a place of prosperity if I choose to make that out of it. If I feel I am worthy of it, I may proceed. My heart tells me nothing, but my mind is full of conflict. I lack confidence in society and the direction in which it is headed. If I don't participate, maybe it's my way of escaping blame for it. The momentum is too much for one person to overcome, and the masses are blinded by the reality of it.
Until 5 or 6 years ago when I was left with no one who needed my attention, I too was living in a protected bubble of security. The glass is never half full. It is only emptied more day by day. Sure, there is tons of prosperity ahead for me if I choose, but what good is it if the environment in which it is realized is not conducive to it? There are too many people willing to line their pockets at your expense. To take from your livelihood to better theirs. As children, we were taught the ways of sharing, and giving all a fair chance or portion. As adults, we practice and work within a different set of rules. We want to maximize our successes in order to secure our families future. We have more children than we can afford, buy bigger houses and cars than we are financially able to sustain, and give less to any cause that is not of our benefit. The number of people making withdraws on a daily basis far exceeds the number of them who make deposits. We ignore the writing on the wall, only to write our own version of tomorrow.
Victory to me is hollow. I don't do finish line celebrations, or public accolades. I don't feel any better because my car won, or lost. I have however, been uplifted by those of you who have offered to me your support, be it because you are a Can-am fan, or just a fan of the new comer trying to make a statement. Notice how I didn't refer to us as being an "Underdog"? I almost did though!. Conversely, we are the favorites at every race due to Marc's driving abilities and resources. As I have said, shit's easy for me. Marc is the mover and shaker here. Driven like no one I have ever met. Confident and persistent, he just grabs the bull by the horns and dives in. I admire that, although it does come with a bit of blindness, almost bordering on arrogance. He is a human being like the rest of us. He differs in that he is impervious to setbacks, and in his mind, tomorrow will arrive with the necessary tools to continue on the path he chooses. This racing thing. This branded following that he has amassed, is definitely seductive. It leaves you wanting more, and assures you of your status and your abilities.
I want to say thanks to everybody who joined into this crazy thread, and supported my writing of it. I love comedy, or even dry humor, and there is plenty of it here to go around. I will see you all again elsewhere in the Underground, or perhaps in person. The latter not really a preference for me.