PRACTICE THREAD
- Thread starter onerich
- Start date
Ha ha,....I remember her and her famous line......"this one time at band camp I stuck my ...............(You know the rest)
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger Sarah Palin said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America ’s people don’t want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ”. So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.. The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out. The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-ol d schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.” The little girl said, “That’s okay Dr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger Sarah Palin said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America ’s people don’t want me to die.†She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane. The second passenger, John McCain, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America â€. So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.. The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One." So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out. The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-ol d schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.†The little girl said, “That’s okay Dr. Graham. There’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.
[/QUOTEI WAS WAITING FOR A DIRTY JOKE
some wife's after girls night out
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to p, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to sat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,
so he phoned the other husband and said,
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
That's nothing" said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her "a" that said.....'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to p, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to sat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,
so he phoned the other husband and said,
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
That's nothing" said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her "a" that said.....'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'
I've read it twice and still have no luckThe book on "How to Understand Women" , has just arrived in book stores.
Ya , "G" NOT THAT THERE'S ANY THING WONG WITH THAT LOLDude, if you have read it twice, and still don't get it, then it's time for you to go "gay"......(Not that there's anything wrong with that)
OMG you guys crack me up I'm OK with the fact that you guys are afraid to come out of the closet Just saying!!
I'm OK with the fact that you guys are afraid to come out of the closet Just saying!!I guess that worksDoes that include walk in closets and storage containers?
Grandfathers don't know everything!
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.’
‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, itisn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.'
Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked , 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.’
‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, itisn't
called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.'
A guy was hanging out on his buddies porch after smoke'n some stuff. His buddies dog comes over with a dead poodle in his mouth, which his buddy recognized as his elderly neighbor Helen's dog. "Wholly crap dude, your dog just killed your neighbors poodle!!". "Uh, let's just go put it back on it's chain and pretend the dog died on it's own". So they did. An hour later, Helen came over carrying her dead poodle, screaming "look at my dead poodle". Both pot-heads said, uh....looks like it died on it's own? Helen said, "She did die on her own two days ago, but what monster would dig her back up and put her back on her chain!!"
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...